Breakin' Up With the Bravos

So, now that football has officially stolen the nation’s consciousness away from everything else, I have a simple message for my Atlanta Braves…

We’re through. Listen, we had a good run. Every spring you suck me in. You’re like the college girl that comes back from Holiday Break but hasn’t put on all the extra L-B’s. You saunter through the first party (around Valentine’s Day) and I get entranced every time. You always seem to look great and seem to have a very bright future.

This year was no different. I was legitimately excited. You got some hot new clothes (aka starting rotation) and you still had that foxy little number that you always wore downtown (aka Chipper coming off a batting title). Things were looking great and we were having fun...even when I think we were sort of delaying the inevitable.

But you started to get a little lazy in May and June. You were looking a little slow and things just weren’t clicking between us. Plus, you always seem to let that crazy chick from Florida (aka The Marlins) push you around when we are out trying to have a good time with our friends.

We had a fantastic July though. We went on a couple road trips, crashed some parties and it started to feel like old times – I really felt like I had fallen in love all over again. And don’t even get me started on Tommy Hanson…that entire move rocked my world! Even August was decent – you hung around with me and kept my attention.

Then September came. And with every September comes a new set of challenges. Recently, you’ve put on a show. Five straight wins, huh? No…I’m not going to let you do this to me again. No…I have to move on. I have to get this figured out. I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s me.

Don’t get me wrong, we can still be friends but let’s be honest here – we both know that this relationship isn’t working out. So, I think it would be a good idea to just make a clean break. No, no…I just don’t think that you are ready for a serious relationship. I mean, what do you think I’m in this for? I’m getting to a point in my life where I need more than “just a good time.” I’m sorry. It’s over.

Until next season at least…

Speaking of picking up the pieces of my broken heart, let’s move on to this week’s The Betting Man:
Last Week (1-4); Season (2-7)
-Ugh!!! This has been as bad a start as I have ever had. I think this is why Dad always told me that “we don’t bet on college football.” An emotional week – but what do you expect from a bunch of teenagers? But like my intern said, “When you’re down with the bookie, just start doubling your bets.” Good advice from the young man [rolling my eyes].

#14 Georgia Tech at #20 Miami (-5.5)
-Last week, Tech screwed me. I should have been ashamed of myself for picking Tech in the first place. I won’t let that happen again!...Even if Miami isn’t exactly the Miami that we all remember.

Tennessee at #1 Florida (-29.5)
-Twenty-nine and a half?! That’s crazy talk! But Urban Meyer is mad. Gator Nation is mad. Tim Tebow is…well, Tebow really doesn’t get mad. That all being said, I’ve seen what happens when “Corch Urban Meyers” gets mad – he takes it out on the scoreboard.

Florida State at #7 Brigham Young (-7.5)
-I hate to say it but I don’t think that Florida State is a very good football team right now. On the other hand, BYU might be a pretty decent football team right now. They’ll take on a late field goal to cover the ‘Noles.

#19 Nebraska at #13 Virginia Tech (-4.5)
- I remember when Nebraska was great. Not good – great! Unfortunately, Tommy Frazier ain’t walking through that door. Tom Osborne ain’t walking through that door. But…

#18 Utah at Oregon (-4)
- I’m worried that this might be the “Year of the Little Guy.” I want to pick Oregon. They’re quack-tastic! But they aren’t as good at football as Utah is.

Burning Questions

So, I haven't been writing much due to traveling for work, grad school projects and playing at the pool...

But I find myself plagued by three questions lately:

Question 1 - Where has Terrell Owens made a bigger contribution to society: the reality show, "The T.O. Show" or the cereal, "T-O's"?

--This one was hard one to answer on the surface. The T.O. Show is bad. I mean REALLY bad. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when those VH1 executives were sitting in the room coming up with new show ideas...

VH1 Executive 1: Okay. We need something new. We need something that the kids can get behind.

Exec 2: we could start playing music again-

VH1 Executive 1: Damn it, Billy! We've discussed this! Music is dead!

Exec 3: We could try doing a reality show.

VH1 Executive 1: I'm listening...

Exec 3: Okay. So we grab a star from the NFL. Someone that isn't really that great anymore, since we can't pay much, but someone who loves themselves so much that just the very thought of being on television makes them need to change his pants...

VH1 Executive 1: Jimmy...you just described Terrell Owens! This could actually work! The kids will LOVE it!

The problem is that the show ended up being like an episode of Cops - it's so bad that people can't actually look away. It's worse than a train wreck. It's so bad that it come back around, full circle, to being not nearly as bad as it should be.

That being said, you just can't beat cereal. Guys love cereal. I think it has something to do with being able to eat and drink, simultaneously, with one hand while not looking.

Winner: The Cereal

Question 2 - Who is the better replacement: Martin Prado or Bar Refaeli?

--This one seems easy on the surface. The only thing that guys like more than cereal is super models. And it takes one hell of a super model to replace Gisele Bundchen. Enter Bar Refaeli, who recently replaced Gisele as the face of Rampage. What's Rampage, you ask?...Who cares?! All I know is that in order to replace Gisele you better be pretty hot.

Martin Prado, however, has been hotter. In the month of July the guy has hit safely in 15 of 17 games. He's batting .361, with ten extra-base hits, an on-base percentage of .424 and eight RBI. In other words, "Sorry, Bar..." We weren't doing that bad with Gisele but the Braves were not doing so hot with Kelly Johnson at second base.

Winner: Martin Prado

Question 3 - Which LeBron news item is more disturbing: the "dunk" tape or smoking pot in high school?

--This one isn't easy to answer at all...mainly, because both news items are completely lame. My reaction to both pieces of news was "Meh." I mean, who cares? Lots of people smoked marijuana back in the day and a few of those people went on to become our nation's President so what's the big deal if another one has gone on to become the greatest hoopster in the land (Sorry Kobe fans). If you had told me that he was getting in fights in high school, I would have been a little more alarmed but still probably wouldn't care. If you told me that he had been drinking and driving and received a couple DUI's...then I'd be concerned. But smokin' a doobie?...Meh.

The dunk tape controversy is weird though...mainly because it makes Nike, but mostly LeBron, look petty. So, you "got dunked on" by a kid from Xavier. You still make millions of dollars and are considered by most to be the best basketball player on the planet. Why couldn't you just laugh that off? Why couldn't you just say, "Hey man, you got me." Then, come back down the court and just embarass the kid. Don't tell me that you couldn't do that.

Winner: The "Dunk" Tape

More "burning questions" to come in the future.

Heroes To The Hall

Originally posted to AtlantaMagazine.com on January 12, 2007

Cooperstown made room for its two newest members this past Tuesday. Cal Ripken Jr., the consummate professional, and Tony Gwynn, the best pure hitter of last half century, join the great fraternity of Major League Baseball’s Hall of Fame.

Ripken was an underrated hitter who tallied 431 homeruns, 1,695 RBI and batted a career .276. The Iron Man was a 19-time All-Star who played in 2,632 consecutive games and basically revolutionized the position of shortstop. Gwynn, a 15-time All-Star who collected 3,141 career hits, was the greatest wielder of a Louisville Slugger that I have seen in my lifetime. He hit .300 or better in 19 straight seasons including seven seasons where he hit over .350.

I watched Ripken and Gwynn play in their primes. I don’t remember watching a Mid-Summer Classic when I was a kid where they weren’t in the starting lineup. The unfortunate thing for me is that I took these guys for granted as “decent players.” The really unfortunate thing is that the 10-year olds hitting the sandlots today won’t get a chance to see these guys play baseball.

It wasn’t the stats that made them worth watching though. It was how they played the game. Ripken played in 2,632 straight games. Think about that. Consider yourself not missing a day at the office for the next 20 years. Kids, you wouldn’t be allowed to miss a day of school. Period. There are stories of how Gwynn taped and studied his own swing for years. Tweaking it. Improving it. Perfecting it. Both of these guys had work ethics that were unmatched by their peers yet they played the game with a boyish enthusiasm.

One of my favorite parts of their resumes is there off-the-field stories: this part of the resume is relatively empty. Neither one was a drug-user or beat his wife. Neither had run-ins with the media or shouted profanities at fans. Terrell Owens has spent more time on SportsCenter over the past year (for his off-the-field tirades) than either of them did in their entire careers. They are both great family men and have each started successful youth-driven charitable foundations. But that’s not really “news-worthy” to a lot today’s sports media.

In an era plagued with steroid and drug allegations, it’s hard to find players that we can look up to. I hope that today’s youth will stop for a few seconds and study their history books (although it isn’t ancient history) and learn about these two players. If there is anyone out there that they should try to emulate, it’s these two. I know that one day I’ll tell my kids how great these guys were in their playing days. I hope that you will too.

Congratulations, Cal and Tony!