Saturday, January 12, 2008

Back to the Blog

Well, I’m just now getting back into the swing of things after “my long winter’s nap” of the holiday season. A lot has been going on over the past couple of weeks that we haven’t had the opportunity to talk about. Therefore, over the next week or so we’re going to be tackling some of those issues.

Things to look forward to:
-Tom Glavine putting back on a Braves uniform
-LSU capturing college football’s national title
-Goose Gossage getting into the Hall of Fame
-Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson

And most recently (as in today), the start of the second round of the NFL Playoffs.

So, here’s where we are: Lady Cheek is out with some of her girls tonight, so you know what that means for me – a night of rotting my mind and teeth! I’ve decided to turn this afternoon and evening into a nice little NFL Football Day (which I don’t do very often). But Brett Favre and Tom Brady are playing today. It’s a big day.

So, without further delay, a nice little NFL Day Diary…

8:12 p.m.: The New England Patriots, and their 16-0 record, just kicked off to the Jacksonville Jaguars.

8:19: J-ville is going for it on fourth down on their first drive?!...AND they got it?! Holy crap! Talk about setting a tone.

8:23: Jacksonville just scored a touchdown on a crazy pass play from Garrard to Matt Jones. Are we about to see the Pats fall?!

8:29: Brady’s first five-step drop…SACKED. All Jags, all the time!

8:30: The Pats pick up 33-yards on a short pass to Laurence Maroney.

8:32: Brady says we’re going for it on fourth down too. I’ll show you David Garrrrrard! And…got it.

I’m betting that the punter for the Patriots just used that little phone that they keep on the sidelines to call across the field to the Jaguars’ punter and say, “Seriously dude, we should just go home.”

8:34: Touchdown Ben Watson! Alright…Go Dawgs.

8:40: Okay, I can already tell that this is going to be a short diary. There has been roughly four seconds of actual football over the six minutes. The commercial breaks are going to kill me.

8:43: Garrard fumbles and the Pats recover…here we go. And just to throw it out there, Brady and the Patriots are just grueling to play defense against. They just find ways to get first downs over and over again.

8:46: End of the first quarter. 7-7.

Jimmy Johnson is in one of the new Coors Light commercials. You know, the ones that have the guys in the press conferences asking the stupid questions. I want someone to try to convince me that it wouldn’t be a good idea to just tie Johnson to a chair toss him off a bridge. Seriously, just try.

8:50: The Pats just stuck it into the endzone on the first play of the second quarter…and back to commercials…

And ah yes, our first erectile dysfunction commercial. It just wouldn’t be NFL Football without one. I love it when the guy starts talking about the side effects. Sure you might not be able to walk again, and you’ll probably vomit after each meal while you eventually go deaf and blind…but hey, when your wife is ready to go, you’ll be ready.

8:53: The Pats kickoff, tackle the Jags on their own 5-yard line and then we are back to the commercials…

Big Brother 9?! Are they still actually making this show? Who’s watching this stuff? Speaking of television shows...we’re also going to have to talk a little bit about what has been happening in the television world. That’s another entry for another day but just add that to the list.

9:03: Okay, I just watched the Jaguars drive the length of the field as if to say, “We will NOT go quietly into the night.” Brady and Bill Belichick don’t look amused.

9:09: CBS just showed us the passing stats in the game so far. Garrard – 11-12, 141 yards and two TDs; Brady – 7-7, 81 yards and one TD. This can’t last that long, can it? And with a player down, we’ll go to commercial…

A new movie called 10,000 B.C. is coming out in March. From what I gathered from the trailer, it’s pretty much all mammoths and saber-tooth tigers. Is there anyone of note in this movie? IMDb says, “No.” I mean, when you’re making a movie about that time period you have to know that there isn’t going to be a lot of clothing. The casting director HAS to go to the producers and say, “Listen, we have to get Jessica Alba in this movie, pony up!”

9:18: We’re at the 2-minute warning and there has been one incomplete pass so far…IN THE GAME.

9:25: The Patriots kicker goes wide right on a field goal attempt before the end of the second half. Only time will tell if that comes back to bite the Pats.

9:31: Halftime. 14-14. Pretty good ball game. I’ll have to stick around for the second half.
Well, the CBS crew is putting me to sleep so I am going to wrap this thing up. I’ll be writing more throughout the week. Don’t be a stranger.

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