Thursday, July 23, 2009

Burning Questions

So, I haven't been writing much due to traveling for work, grad school projects and playing at the pool...
But I find myself plagued by three questions lately:

Question 1 - Where has Terrell Owens made a bigger contribution to society: the reality show, "The T.O. Show" or the cereal, "T-O's"?
--This one was hard one to answer on the surface. The T.O. Show is bad. I mean REALLY bad. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when those VH1 executives were sitting in the room coming up with new show ideas...
VH1 Executive 1: Okay. We need something new. We need something that the kids can get behind.
Exec 2: we could start playing music again-
VH1 Executive 1: Damn it, Billy! We've discussed this! Music is dead!
Exec 3: We could try doing a reality show.
VH1 Executive 1: I'm listening...
Exec 3: Okay. So we grab a star from the NFL. Someone that isn't really that great anymore, since we can't pay much, but someone who loves themselves so much that just the very thought of being on television makes them need to change his pants...
VH1 Executive 1: just described Terrell Owens! This could actually work! The kids will LOVE it!

The problem is that the show ended up being like an episode of Cops - it's so bad that people can't actually look away. It's worse than a train wreck. It's so bad that it come back around, full circle, to being not nearly as bad as it should be.

That being said, you just can't beat cereal. Guys love cereal. I think it has something to do with being able to eat and drink, simultaneously, with one hand while not looking.

Winner: The Cereal

Question 2 - Who is the better replacement: Martin Prado or Bar Refaeli?
--This one seems easy on the surface. The only thing that guys like more than cereal is super models. And it takes one hell of a super model to replace Gisele Bundchen. Enter Bar Refaeli, who recently replaced Gisele as the face of Rampage. What's Rampage, you ask?...Who cares?! All I know is that in order to replace Gisele you better be pretty hot.

Martin Prado, however, has been hotter. In the month of July the guy has hit safely in 15 of 17 games. He's batting .361, with ten extra-base hits, an on-base percentage of .424 and eight RBI. In other words, "Sorry, Bar..." We weren't doing that bad with Gisele but the Braves were not doing so hot with Kelly Johnson at second base.

Winner: Martin Prado

Question 3 - Which LeBron news item is more disturbing: the "dunk" tape or smoking pot in high school?
--This one isn't easy to answer at all...mainly, because both news items are completely lame. My reaction to both pieces of news was "Meh." I mean, who cares? Lots of people smoked marijuana back in the day and a few of those people went on to become our nation's President so what's the big deal if another one has gone on to become the greatest hoopster in the land (Sorry Kobe fans). If you had told me that he was getting in fights in high school, I would have been a little more alarmed but still probably wouldn't care. If you told me that he had been drinking and driving and received a couple DUI's...then I'd be concerned. But smokin' a doobie?...Meh.

The dunk tape controversy is weird though...mainly because it makes Nike, but mostly LeBron, look petty. So, you "got dunked on" by a kid from Xavier. You still make millions of dollars and are considered by most to be the best basketball player on the planet. Why couldn't you just laugh that off? Why couldn't you just say, "Hey man, you got me." Then, come back down the court and just embarass the kid. Don't tell me that you couldn't do that.

Winner: The "Dunk" Tape

More "burning questions" to come in the future.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

So, I didn't do any sort of tribute to Michael Jackson...

I just didn't think it was necessary. I mean, I enjoy his music. I'd even go as far as saying that I think "Don't Stop 'til You Get Enough" is one of my favorite party songs and it was released almost a full year PRIOR to me being born.

It's a great tune. The "Thriller" album was really, really good. I listened to songs like "Bad" and "Black or White" like crazy when I was a pre-teen. So why didn't I fill up a blog post, a Facebook status or hit up Twitter with a fitting tribute to Michael The Artist... well, because he just never profoundly impacted my life, I guess. But I'll tell you who did: Ken Griffey Jr.

Warning: If you don't like Ken Griffey Jr. (and I can't honestly think of why you wouldn't) then I suggest that you go read something else. "The Kid" is my childhood hero. Consider yourself warned.

I watched, what seemed like, every at bat this guy took from about 1990 up through 1998. I distinctly remember begging my mother to let me stay up late on random Wednesday nights to catch ESPN's "Wednesday Night Baseball" game - which always seemed to be random west coast gaes that often featured the Seattle Mariners.

I didn't play basketball but I threw some hard-earned lawnmower money at Nike to pick up some Nike Swingman baseball spikes when I was a kid. Man! Those shoes were sweet.

I know that I had at least a couple posters of the guy plastered to my bedroom wall. I collected his baseball cards (which are stored away somewhere in Mom and Dad's attic I suppose). I was legitimately angry in 1994 when the players' strike happened. Not because players seemed greedy or the owners seemed like jerks but because Junior had hit 40 bombs in 111 games - he had a shot at Maris' long-standing homerun record!

That all aside, I was interested to find out that my idol had decided to grace the patrons of Seattle Mariner baseball with a small, yet fitting, tribute to the King of Pop. He strolled to the plate for his first at-bat Tuesday night with the sound system at Safeco Field groovin' to M.J.'s "Billie Jean." Plus, a closer inspection gave way to the slugger's grip on the bat, which showed a bare left hand and a white batting glove worn on his right. Griffey usually wears dark blue gloves on both hands.

Kind of cool.

He didn't walk up the plate and do a quick Jackson-esque kick in the air or moonwalk his way down to first after his walk. He was subtle yet effective. Classic Junior.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Another One Bites the Dust

So, with all of Hollywood dropping like flies lately...

I stumbled upon this headline that scared the bejeezus out of me at first, until I realized that Casey Kasem wasn’t dead. Whoo! Almost lost another one.

As it turns out, Casey has officially stepped down from his weekly radio countdown show to focus on “other projects.” This brings up two questions for me:
1.) What the hell “other projects” is Casy Kasem working on?
--Surely, he isn’t a part of the Wal-Mart Welcoming committee now. I doubt MTV is calling, considering that they don’t play music anymore. Plus, they only hire people that want to be famous for ten minutes and then live the rest of their lives saying, “But I was on The Gauntlet VIII!!! PART EIGHT I TELL YOU!!!”

2.) Has Ryan Seacrest taken one more step toward taking over the world?
--It appears so. First Dunkleman and now Kasem. I hope that we are all ready to see this guy for the next 50 to 60 years. He will be our generation’s Dick Clark. Hell, it won’t be too much longer and Seacrest will have Clark wiped off the face of the Earth.

Anyhow, I hate to see Kasem go. I always enjoyed him on the radio. He provided just enough insight and just enough cheese to keep me entertained. And how can you not respect a man that made a cameo on Saved by the Bell?! TWICE!

So, here’s a special long-distance dedication for you, Casey. Best of luck in the future. Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars!

Cheek, out!