Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Breakin' Up With the Bravos

So, now that football has officially stolen the nation’s consciousness away from everything else, I have a simple message for my Atlanta Braves…

We’re through. Listen, we had a good run. Every spring you suck me in. You’re like the college girl that comes back from Holiday Break but hasn’t put on all the extra L-B’s. You saunter through the first party (around Valentine’s Day) and I get entranced every time. You always seem to look great and seem to have a very bright future.

This year was no different. I was legitimately excited. You got some hot new clothes (aka starting rotation) and you still had that foxy little number that you always wore downtown (aka Chipper coming off a batting title). Things were looking great and we were having fun...even when I think we were sort of delaying the inevitable.

But you started to get a little lazy in May and June. You were looking a little slow and things just weren’t clicking between us. Plus, you always seem to let that crazy chick from Florida (aka The Marlins) push you around when we are out trying to have a good time with our friends.

We had a fantastic July though. We went on a couple road trips, crashed some parties and it started to feel like old times – I really felt like I had fallen in love all over again. And don’t even get me started on Tommy Hanson…that entire move rocked my world! Even August was decent – you hung around with me and kept my attention.

Then September came. And with every September comes a new set of challenges. Recently, you’ve put on a show. Five straight wins, huh? No…I’m not going to let you do this to me again. No…I have to move on. I have to get this figured out. I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s me.

Don’t get me wrong, we can still be friends but let’s be honest here – we both know that this relationship isn’t working out. So, I think it would be a good idea to just make a clean break. No, no…I just don’t think that you are ready for a serious relationship. I mean, what do you think I’m in this for? I’m getting to a point in my life where I need more than “just a good time.” I’m sorry. It’s over.

Until next season at least…

Speaking of picking up the pieces of my broken heart, let’s move on to this week’s The Betting Man:
Last Week (1-4); Season (2-7)
-Ugh!!! This has been as bad a start as I have ever had. I think this is why Dad always told me that “we don’t bet on college football.” An emotional week – but what do you expect from a bunch of teenagers? But like my intern said, “When you’re down with the bookie, just start doubling your bets.” Good advice from the young man [rolling my eyes].

#14 Georgia Tech at #20 Miami (-5.5)
-Last week, Tech screwed me. I should have been ashamed of myself for picking Tech in the first place. I won’t let that happen again!...Even if Miami isn’t exactly the Miami that we all remember.

Tennessee at #1 Florida (-29.5)
-Twenty-nine and a half?! That’s crazy talk! But Urban Meyer is mad. Gator Nation is mad. Tim Tebow is…well, Tebow really doesn’t get mad. That all being said, I’ve seen what happens when “Corch Urban Meyers” gets mad – he takes it out on the scoreboard.

Florida State at #7 Brigham Young (-7.5)
-I hate to say it but I don’t think that Florida State is a very good football team right now. On the other hand, BYU might be a pretty decent football team right now. They’ll take on a late field goal to cover the ‘Noles.

#19 Nebraska at #13 Virginia Tech (-4.5)
- I remember when Nebraska was great. Not good – great! Unfortunately, Tommy Frazier ain’t walking through that door. Tom Osborne ain’t walking through that door. But…

#18 Utah at Oregon (-4)
- I’m worried that this might be the “Year of the Little Guy.” I want to pick Oregon. They’re quack-tastic! But they aren’t as good at football as Utah is.

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